Hi people, this post is a little different to what I usually write, so you can read it and form your own opinion, or visit the cool blog over there "Advertising For Success" and wait for the next regular post here. =)

I see you chose to continue reading. Ok, then.

After some time without writing, you would think that I have tons of anecdotes that I want to share, and that I have to choose one, and the process of elimination is exhausting. But it's not. My life has been a rollercoaster lately, and I don't want to bore you with my different issues, though they could be interesting for you, and even fun for me in some weird way.

For instance, the other day I went to bed an talked to God, yeah I did, I never do, but that day, I did talk to him. I don't even know if you can call that a "talk", I was crying in a desperate way, and begging him, to take me with him. I'm glad that is over by now, though it's likely to happen again. But I know, nothing lasts forever.

It's funny how things can bring me down one day, and the next day, I just see them the way they are...and try to be cool about it. And then after trying to be cool, I realize that I'm not that cool, and the "God, take me away! talk" takes place.

I know my problems are nothing compared to what happens to other people in the world, or to what will happen to me in a future. But still, it's painful. And if you're wondering...what on Earth is wrong in this girl's life. I'll tell you, future is overwhelming...

There's always the uncertainty of what will happen tomorrow. Sometimes it's overwhelming not knowing what you want in your future, and sometimes knowing what you want and being scared of not getting it. That's my case. I know what I want, but I lack many things to achieve it. Some fixable and $ome not.

All these things lead me to think about dead, and all these thinking will probably lead me to a poem...hopefully.

If I knew I would die tomorrow I would live happily the time that I have left, there would be no worries about my future, I would just live life, with no fear of what could happen tomorrow because I would be somewhere...anywhere but here.

But not suicide, not physical, not mental, not spritual. I will not surrender, because I dread the thought of: What could have been? And the certainty that we'll never know.

I want to be proud of everyday I live. The key is not to live each day as if it was the last one, the key is to live each day and at the end of it being proud. Lessons learned, achievements, fortunate events, but most of all, survival. For each day is a battle, and we may not win them all, but we shall try. Make some lemonade.

Life will take me to a place, a place I will call beautiful. I'll live my life, even if it wasn't what I had in mind. I'll make it right, and I'll call it fate. I'll make it beautiful, and my dream place.

And someday, the day I have been waiting for, will be here, I will die someday, and I will be proud of my life, and what I'm leaving behind. I'll deserve death, for death is a gift, and I won't steal it, and I won't reject it. I'll wait for God to bless me with it. And while he does, I'll learn to always trust him, and believe that he cares. And if there's no God, I'll believe in myself. For that's what keeps me breathing.


XoXo
Gaby