I would like to tell you that my life has been interesting lately...but I don't like lies. I just wrote a new poem and I liked it...it's not the greatest poem...I don't think it's even really good compared to other poetry, but it means something to me.
I have cried a lot of times lately, but that's just our little secret. Right? It's been a dark time for me, being seventeen, daily breakdowns...
I don't know what else can I tell you so I'll share with you my latest poem "Baby Girl, Let's Fall Asleep Forever". I hope you like it.

Baby girl, I remember when you were a stranger,
And your pain and scars seemed far away from me.
I couldn't understand why your eyes yelled danger,
Didn't even know how broken you could be.

I knew I was missing something about you,
You were hiding shame reasons behind your eyes.
I was scared of what you would possibly do,
Of the desperate feelings twisting your mind.

I wanted to help you, but I had no words,
To show you how everything would be fine.
I wanted to hold you and never let go,
To have your torn heart close to mine.

Today I have changed, now I'm your closest friend,
Being your friend hurts since I live your pain.
I kiss your scars and your mistakes try to mend,
Being in your mind makes my life insane.

I see you everyday, you live in my reflection,
I taste your tears and touch your fake smile.
I know we're lost, and tired of rejections,
There's no place to go to save what's inside.

It's just the two of us, so take my hand,
Let's fall asleep forever and live in dreams.
Forget about how things used to be and dance,
I don't know how to fix us, so let's just breathe.

Today I felt really sleepy, more than ever. I do like to sleep, but I can't sleep while I'm at school. Right? So I came home, desperately seeking for my bed, I slept for two hours. And right now, I'm sleepy again. How's that possible? Well, I don't know...
That's the only thing I can remember about today, and it's boring so I'll share one of my poems with you:

I'll Cry Tonight
I'll wait for the sky to turn dark,
That's when I'll take off my mask,
Pain and loneliness will fill my eyes,
And slowly erase my fake smile.

I'll cry when no one's arround,
Cause I don't want them to find out,
The weakness that lives within me,
The feeling that makes me incomplete.

I don't speak the tears of my soul,
Cause that's all they need to know,
To try their best to make the worst,
To make my nightmare, be so close.

And if there's someone who reallly cares,
It doesn't matter cause no one understands,
So they'll never hear from me,
Cause to share pain, there's no need.

So I will smile right now,
And I'll cry tonight,
Just right now, I'll seem alright,
I'll just hold my tears tight.

XoXo
Gaby

Today, I do have something to tell, well, I always have something, but this time, the idea is just jumping and dancing in my mind. Yesterday, I remembered about someone I used to like (a lot) when I was studying in the U.S.A. (Austin, TX) and I started wondering about him. So, I decided to google him...and oh, it's so scary how many things you can find with the help of your always loyal friend Google. I found so many things (you wouldn't believe it), and now I have this crazy idea, kind of something a character from a romantic movie would do, because it's just stupid, but lovely. I want to go there and look for him, I just want to see him once again and maybe for the last time in my life. He's so gorgeous, blue eyes and dark hair, and maybe this sounds impossible but he's beyond intelligence, well that's what Google showed me, and that's what I want to think and dream. Besides, this is just what I need right now, something crazy, fun, stupid, and innocent, to fill me up with fantasy and maybe isolate me from depression.
So I guess, this will be a...road trip! I can't wait to tell Sakura (my best friend Valeria).

XoXo
Gaby

I've decided to write my entries, some in English and some in Spanish. It's more fun this way, don't you think?
Today some stuff happened, nothing really bad but kind of hilarious and embarasing at the same time. I was just in math class (summer school) and I started remembering a friend who makes me laugh a lot (I call her Sakura). I would give you more details about what I remembered, but you might thing it's disgusting, just to give you and idea it includes the words: vomit, pizza, and nose. I swear, I couldn't stop laughing so I just tried to keep it quiet. Some just pretended that they didn't notice (obvious reasons). Nobody knew why I was laughing, I tried to explain to my friends, but it wasn't the same. I turned super red...I always do when I laugh, but this time I was extremely red and hot. The reason: some guy I like was sitting near and I didn't want him to know that I'm crazy. I guess it's too late for that.
That was fun, but the rest of the day has been a little blue. Three times I have felt tears filling my eyes, but just one time I have let them escape. My reasons: a recent friend break up,my current life, and my future. The breakdown was because of the third one.


XoXo
Gaby