Joe (not his real name) keeps being stupid.
He has a girlfriend, and he claims he adores her, even though he cheats on her and all that kind of shit. Meanwhile everyone (classmates) says I'm so in love with him, and that I'm a fool because I love him so much, and he completely ignores me. Well, let me tell you something. First of all, I don't like him at all. Sure, there is something between us, and I'm not sure what it is, but I do not love him. Second, he doesn't ignore me at all. He wants me. I wouldn't say so if I didn't know for sure. The things that he does, the things that he says, things that everyone else choose to ignore. Like yesterday, when it was time to go to sleep (because we all stayed at a friend's house), he asked me to sleep with him (and he insisted). Can you believe it? I can, this isn't the first time he says or does something like that. Of course I didn't accept, mainly because I wanted to show him indifference. Accepting this purposal would have made everything worse, it would just confirm to him and everyone else that I do like him. I'm still curious, what would have happened? But it wasn't worth finding out.
What he wants from me is what bothers me. I don't know for a fact what he wants, but I have a pretty good idea. He wants us to be "friends with benefits", and he wants to keep his girlfriend. How can he think I would do that? How can he think he's worth all that?
There's this constant question in my head: If he knew I could like him back, would he choose me? Does he like me that much? That way? I don't even want to find out, I would be risking too much. Besides, if he really wanted me, he would say so, and he wouldn't be with her. Right?
I've never given him reasons to think I like him, but everytime he speaks he seems so sure about it. So, I don't think I should put myself in that position, especially for someone that probably just wants me as that kind of friend, I'm not doing that.
I don't even know why am I doing such a big deal about this. I would never take him seriously, he's completely flawed in ways I can't possibly accept. It's just that, this thing that exists between us, is really there.
But, I won't let the heart win this one.
He has a girlfriend, and he claims he adores her, even though he cheats on her and all that kind of shit. Meanwhile everyone (classmates) says I'm so in love with him, and that I'm a fool because I love him so much, and he completely ignores me. Well, let me tell you something. First of all, I don't like him at all. Sure, there is something between us, and I'm not sure what it is, but I do not love him. Second, he doesn't ignore me at all. He wants me. I wouldn't say so if I didn't know for sure. The things that he does, the things that he says, things that everyone else choose to ignore. Like yesterday, when it was time to go to sleep (because we all stayed at a friend's house), he asked me to sleep with him (and he insisted). Can you believe it? I can, this isn't the first time he says or does something like that. Of course I didn't accept, mainly because I wanted to show him indifference. Accepting this purposal would have made everything worse, it would just confirm to him and everyone else that I do like him. I'm still curious, what would have happened? But it wasn't worth finding out.
What he wants from me is what bothers me. I don't know for a fact what he wants, but I have a pretty good idea. He wants us to be "friends with benefits", and he wants to keep his girlfriend. How can he think I would do that? How can he think he's worth all that?
There's this constant question in my head: If he knew I could like him back, would he choose me? Does he like me that much? That way? I don't even want to find out, I would be risking too much. Besides, if he really wanted me, he would say so, and he wouldn't be with her. Right?
I've never given him reasons to think I like him, but everytime he speaks he seems so sure about it. So, I don't think I should put myself in that position, especially for someone that probably just wants me as that kind of friend, I'm not doing that.
I don't even know why am I doing such a big deal about this. I would never take him seriously, he's completely flawed in ways I can't possibly accept. It's just that, this thing that exists between us, is really there.
But, I won't let the heart win this one.
XoXo
Gaby
Labels: friends with benefits, Joe
2 Comments:
Hi. Just found your blog. I like how you wrote as honestly as you did here.
Joe sounds like one of those sic guys in class who know exactly what they are doing, know exactly what they are after, yet feign indifference all the time. It is almost like a personality type they have. I think i'd like to call a syndrome. BAD.
THE THING THAT EXISTS BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU is the fact that you'll are attracted to each other enough to want to- let's say- pick up a fight, do something to gain attention/ sympathy/ applause from the opposite person. I plead guilty to all the times i did that, too, so no offense.
I'm sure you're thinking, "ME? Attracted to HIM? Euuu!" I know. I thought that too.
It's NOT LOVE- you're right! Just attraction. Trust me- it'll wear off the minute you're not around him and start fancying another guy. THAT does not make you a flirt. I beg to differ. It just goes to say, You're straight and you're attracted to people- random people- of the opposite sex and that is normal. TOTALLY.
As for him flirting, he's not the amazing kind of guy- people with this syndrome don't realize the filth they are made of. STOP entertaining him. DIVERT your attention (if you know what i mean!) and he'll stop harassing you the way he does. He'll still try to flirt- DON'T LET HIM!
Say something witty, so he feels too stunned to react and walk away. Try this for 2 weeks straight and you'll realize this thing between you won't last. That's a good thing. if you're thinking otherwise!
P.S. Geez! That was long! Felt more like a note to self :)
Ken Albin: Yepp I've reached that conclusion as well.
The warrior in me: it's been a while, and all that's left is awkwardness. Too much happened after this. And now we don't even speak to each other. Anyway, he's not worth anything, I'll let him be somebody else's problem.
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