I think it's time for me to introduce one of my favorite high school characters. He's this cute guy (of course) with curly hair, thin structure, and a T shirt with a clear message of: "No, I will not go out with you." But what's special about him, is his powerful voice. He's got the kind of voice that would say beautiful things on the radio, giving the news, advertising, anything....The kind of voice that hypnotizes anyone...

Well, I didn't know if he was aware of the power he possesses over people. Until a few days ago. Destiny brought us together, and I heard one of his conversations. He was talking about his lack of study habits, and how he always gets what he wants. Somebody mentioned literature class, and he said that the teacher liked him. The teacher is not a woman, the teacher is a he, a girly he. I kept listening, I couldn't miss this information. And he shared his anecdotes, of how the teacher calls him (a nice nickname), and how he asks him for un necessary help. I was a little surprised, but somehow I didn't care much. I guess it was the way he told the whole story. He was quite happy with the benefits of being him, cute and careless.

That same afternoon...

I was one of his victims. I'm not sure if I'm proud or ashamed, maybe both. It all went like this:

Out of no where his friend asked me:

Don't you think his shoes are funny?

Pointing cute guy's shoes.

And Mr. Charming Voice looked at me, as he had never looked at me. And he said:

They're not. Are they?

I don't know how it happened, I mentally blushed and shyly said:

No...They're not.

I always thought it only happened in movies. I guess not.

Dammit...Now he knows he has power over me. And believe it or not, he's not even my crush. LOL


XoXo
Gaby

She stands beautifully disguised,
Exhaling invisible pain.
Covers herself with shallow warmth,
quiet, proud, and brave.

She looks around her,
Laughter and smiles passing her by,
Holds to her secret tightly
As the existing light starts fading.

The dreaded moment arrives.
Inner cold escapes in the form of tears.
And she silently screams:
"Don't you know I'm hurting?!"

But they'll never listen.
Her pride won't let her speak,
She'll end up unnoticed,
forgotten, unloved, alone.

Say hello to Slightly Drunk, the new blog of the week. I really enjoyed reading the last post, that's why I chose it, besides it was the first blog to bid. So, please visit, I promise you'll enjoy it.

***

I feel like there's nothing really interesting going on in my life. Should I enjoy the little things? Or should I do something and make great things happen? Whatever...I'm not doing any of those. You should know by now, that I have nothing to blog about, but as always, I'll try.

This weekend I spent some time with my family. I usually hate those kinds of gatherings because I just don't fit in. But this time, I was just okay with it, I don't know why. I even prepared a dessert, and smiled without forcing it.

During all this weird thing, my cousin and my aunt started telling me about how there's many ghosts at their house. That just freaked me out. I used to believe that ghosts didn't exist, but now I do believe. And I've turned into a complete paranoid about this. In the night, I cover my face and make an effort to pray, and ask God for protection.

A long time ago, I remember feeling something crawling into my bed, and I thought it was my dog. And then I felt it, over me, and still I thought it was my dog. But I wasn't convinced about this, and I was afraid to see what was it. When I gathered the courage to scream for my mommy to come, I couldn't!!!!! And I couldn't move! It was horrible. I just layed there waiting for it to go. Then, when I could move, I noticed that it wasn't my dog. Obviously...

I shared my experience, and I heard it had happened before to many people, and somebody even gave me a scientific explanation. That calmed me down. But now that I know that ghosts do exist, I'm a little concerned. My aunt explained that maybe it was a ghost. I'm so scared.

Oh, I don't want to sleep anymore. =(

Who am I kidding?! I love to sleep!

I just don't want to see ghosts. Any advice?


XoXo
Gaby

I have just googled him. This dream, obsession, or whatever it is, has taken me way too far. Today I have found one more web site with new information about him, it doesn't even surprise me. I have searched him online a thousand times, and I often find something new. Sometimes I even use my detective skills (or should I call them stalker skills?) to follow clues, and get even more information than google can provide me by just typing his name, which I won't reveal. Why? Because I don't want you googling him. That's my thing.

I don't know about you, but I have googled myself. Hehe, what a weirdo! Anyways, I'm obviously not there, not anywhere. I'm stalker safe. But he's not. It's amazing how many things I have discovered thanks to google. Such things like hobbies, religion, origins, birthday, participation in forums, extracurricular activities, awards, outstanding participations, travels, pictures, e-mail addresses, family, high school...And what amazes me even more, is the fact that he's like a super kid, he participates in everything. You wouldn't believe it.

During 8th grade, back when I liked him. I was studying in Austin, and he was the typical crush. I didn't know as much about him as I know now, but I could enjoy every glimpse. Now I know where he is, what he does, and everything, but I don't even see him. Obviously, I would prefer to see him. I would prefer to see his blue eyes, his dark hair, and how he always used black clothes. Once I even felt the sudden urge to go looking for him. But that's gone now.

So, why did I googled him if I don't like him anymore? I don't know, I forgot about him for a while, but one day I remembered that he existed, and that's when I went with Google for help. I was curious, I didn't know what had happened to him. And I found everything that I've just said. This is what I could call post-crush, google phase.

Now I'm left thinking that he's way better than any crush here. Yeah, that's why he's the ultimate crush. Amor platonico (in Spanish). Sounds pretty pathetic, but he's just a crush. He's just the ultimate crush. Someone worth writing about. =)

I thought I could be your crush
I thought I could be someone
I thought I could win your heart
nothing to take with me not even the memories
just the thought of what was gone
and a crushed hope in what never was

Just the song "Crush" by Angels and Airwaves. I thought it would be appropiate, but it's too sad. Still I love it, especially because it's sad, and I can relate to it somehow. Not because of the ultimate crush, but because of some other crushes.

XoXo
Gaby

Oops I did it again...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should update more often, but high school is getting the best of me.

So, I'm here and that's what matters. I'll open my heart, and let you know what's in it. Actually, I'll share something I wrote a while ago in my diary.

My sins, so far...(according to Catholic religion)

• I can't even remember the last time I prayed. I just haven't done it, I don't know why, but I don't feel the need to do so. I do a thousand different things to release everything, but praying, is not one of them. And I have to say, that I don't feel guilty about it. Not at all. Sometimes I wonder if I could be considered catholic. I don't go to church and I despise most of the "rules". Come on, my parents are divorced, catholic religion rejected me first. I hate rules, and I hate the restrictions. But I like to hear what Jesus said and did, it makes me think, and I always remember it. So, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I enjoy going to church and listening a good sermon.
• I have thought about suicide, I think about it everyday at least once. I think I'll never do it. I just want it so badly. Everybody does. Ok, don't say you don't because I know you do. I mean, everyone is going to die, and we don't want to suffer. Therefore, we want to end all this. You know what? Never mind. I desire death, you don't have to.
• I have considered taking drugs. I'm bored, I'm confused, I'm sad, I'm alone, I'm vulnerable. I think I could fall anytime. But until now, I haven't. Mostly because I'm far away from that kind of environment, and I'm a "loser" in my environment, so I don't get offered drugs.
• I'm revengeful. When someone hurts me, I start making plans about what I'll do to that person. Of course, I never do anything, and if I do, it's improvised, and not even close to the master plan that I had prepared.
• I'm jealous. Not yet, but I'm sure this will be one of my sins someday. How do I know this? Am I a psychic? Let's just say that I haven't loved someone so much to become crazy jealous. But I can tell that it will happen. I don't think I can do anything about it, it's fate. Just like Oedipus couldn't do anything to avoid his fate. Maybe I should learn from his experience and ask God for help. Oh, wait, I never pray. God might suspect that I want something from him.
• I'm proud. I don't like asking for help, I don't like to admit that I don't know something. I'm working on this, everyday I try asking more questions. Stupid questions? Probably. But then, remember, there's no stupid questions, just the persons who ask them.
• I'm lazy. Yeah, I am. And I'm a sleep lover. This brings me some trouble in the mornings, and well, all the time, when I have to do something and I don't.
• I'm envious. Sometimes I just want things that someone else has, but this is less frequent. Though it always leads to the thought: "Life is unfair."
• I don't forgive. Ok, sometimes I do. But it's hard to do, and I just think about it too much. Hopefully it will become easier some day.
• I have wanted bad things to happen to someone else. But who hasn't? I know that's not a good excuse, but it's all I have.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope you missed me. Meh. Share with me your sins. It should be fun, and in my case, secret.

XoXo

Gaby