"Cansada de Besar Sapos" (Tired of Kissing Toads) has become one of my favorite movies lately. I don't get to watch many mexican movies, so I really enjoyed not having to read subtitles or trying to understand other cultures.

In this romantic comedy Martha loves his "perfect boyfriend", but she's always afraid he will cheat on her again. And he does. After discovering this, Martha turns into an "hombreriega"(plays with several men). And starts dating men she meets online. But she doesn't know she'll find true love, even if she doesn't want to.

If you have a chance to watch this movie, do so.

XoXo
Gaby

Yesterday I passed by my Mc Crush's house, it was the first time I saw it, probably the last. I think I'll never see him or his house again, but it doesn't make me sad. He used to be my crush but now he's more like a nice memory. Anyway, I think he'll transfer to another school, and I'm not her friend or anything, so buh-bye.

I never knew why he talked to everyone except me. He asked for a pencil to everyone but me, for a sheet of paper, and even touched everyone (boys and girls) except me. And they were almost strangers, just like me. What the fuck?! I don't know if it was because he knew I liked him, or because he just didn't see me. I guess it doesn't matter anymore.

Still, I remember the few times when we talked. Those memories will always live with me. =)

XoXo
Gaby

Christmas Eve wasn't as bad as I had expected. We all got together at my aunt's house, we had dinner and presents, as we listened to the same CD over and over again. And the dogs barked outside begging to be let into the house (never happened). =(

Presents were boring boring boring.

• A baby blue sweater
• A beige sweater
• Santa Claus pillow

I loved the Santa Claus pillow, and was amazed of how the two sweaters were the same style, just different color. I didn't love them, but I won't change them. Meh.

I knew exactly what we were having for dinner because I helped a little in the kitchen. But was surprised when I saw some lobster and shrimps which I love. I couldn't resist this temptation, so I ate a little. Then the real dinner was served and I ate some turkey, salad, and pasta, and drank a big glass of Coke (yummi).

When I arrived home, I hugged my little french poodle who spent Christmas Eve home alone.
And vomitted the whole dinner before going to sleep.

Still, it could have been worse.

XoXo
Gaby

When do you realize you're a total Grinch? When you argue five times in one day because of Christmas related subjects: gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts. And you end the final discussion with something like: "What do gifts and food have to do with Christmas?!" (I ran out of arguing material.)

I don't know why am I such a Grinch, I can't recognize what I hate about Christmas. I just know that I do.


So I guess I can wish you a...

Merry Christmas!

Who am I fooling...wish me luck.

XoXo
Gaby

Yesterday my mom and I were in our way home, we were a block away. And we saw two drunk guys forcing a girl into a van. Well, I didn't see it, my mom did. I just heard her screaming. I didn't know what was happening until my mom told me. I was shocked. I thought maybe we could call the police but my mom said sometimes the police and the delinquents are connected, so it would not be safe. And even if we would have called the police, there wouldn't be much they could do about it.

It was horrible even though I didn't see a thing. I've seen movies ("Perfume de Violetas") and I know what happens. So sad. This world sometimes brings me down.

When I arrived home I prayed, I had to. It was the only thing I could do. I felt the rare need to pray.

I hope she's alright. Who knows what happened. I just ask for God to take care of her. I wish I could do something.

XoXo
Gaby

How come I didn't know knitting was fun?! I discovered it yesterday, I'm also noticing it is a little addictive. I bought some yarn to knit a scarf. At the beginning it was frustrating because instructions were stupid and unclear. Today I started it again, and I'm proud to say the scarf is finished. But I'll do some more. Now that I know it's not that complicated I want to do as much scarves as I can during winter.

As you can see, there's nothing worth blogging in my life lately. That's why I'm boring you with this scarf fever anecdote. But I'll blog as soon as I can. I just wanted you to know I'm probably knitting as you're reading this. Seriously.

XoXo
Gaby

Yesterday some friends didn't invite me to a party. Well, some friends did (too late), but the ones organizing it (also my friends) didn't. They sent an e-mail to everyone but they didn't send anything to me. I feel like I'm the victim here, but maybe they did it because they knew I wouldn't have gone. So, it really doesn't make sense for me to be upset about it. So why am I upset?

I'm blogging about this because it happens often in my life, and I always go through the same questions and thoughts. I often get asked: "Why you didn't go?" Or: "Are you coming?" And my answer is always: "I didn't know, nobody said anything to me." And most of the time, it's too late.

I almost don't care anymore.

XoXo
Gaby

Say hello to Jester Tunes! The new cool blog. =)

Here's how he describes his blog:

This site is a place I like to post stories, thoughts, and links to cool things I've found in my web travels. I can be corny, bitchy, and sentimental. Sometimes all at once. Feel free to leave a comment, or contact me and tell me how I've made you laugh, cry, bored you to tears, or completely disgusted you.

Want to know more? Go, visit! Oh, and don't forget to comment.

***

I guess you noticed the enthusiastic me, and that's what it is. Just in this moment, I'm not sad, angry or whatever. I can get up and do things, and I haven't cried in two days, so that's good. I've done some laundry, made breakfast, listened to music, read a book, laughed, and my favorite one: daydreamed! Things I don't do when I'm too sad. I'm dreading the moment when it all comes back, and I know it will come sooner or later. But now, I'm just enjoying. =)

***

Todo cambió cuando te vi, jamás imagine que habría un corazón fuera de mí sintiendo lo que yo sentía.

Just a part of a mexican song I love. It's "Más" by Diego. If you're curious, here's the translation.

Everything changed when I saw you, never imagined there was a heart outside of me feeling what I was.

XoXo
Gaby

I'm so exhausted right now. I've been wondering if there's something for me in this world. I'm starting to think there's nothing, but here I am. Still alive. So, let's see what happens tomorrow.

Today I received a phone call. Believe it or not, this is weird in my life. It was a friend, my best friend. It was as if she read my mind, as if she knew I was in need of someone. Maybe just a coincidence.

As I was telling her about yesterday's drama, I could feel my voice and hands trembling. She's the only one who knows it. I'm ashamed of everything, and I just thought that nobody would really understand without judging. But I had forgotten, she always understands. I don't even have to explain, I don't even have to convince her. She just gets it, and she doesn't judge me. I'm glad I have her as a friend. And hopefully I'll keep her. There's always hope, even if I've learned nothing lasts forever.

XoXo
Gaby

A friend of mine is coming back tomorrow, she was gone for six months. In those six months everything changed for me, I lost my "friends" here.

I'm afraid she'll think everything will be like before. Even if that would be "better". It's not that easy for me.

I'm angry at my world. I can't help hating everyone who harmed me by not being there. Everyone who made me feel abandoned, forgotten, boring, miserable, worthless, ugly, and stupid.

And I'm scared of this illogical anger, and this harmful hatred that has taken over me. I don't want to be irational. I want to have a reason for every action and emotion, I want to control myself. But something pulls me back.

They forgot about me, why should I go back there? I'm still hurting, and I'm hating them. I can't erase all the pain caused by them.

I know I'm the one to blame, and that makes this even more childish . I'm so ashamed. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to communicate and fix things. I hate them!

I just want to drift away to a place. Even if it's the coldest place ever.

I bet that sounded stupid.

Note: I feel so pathetic, blogging about my self-pity. But I really had to, you know.

XoXo
Gaby

I got a new haircut yesterday, and I also changed Forever 17 's layout which I think you have already noticed. I got it from Blogskins as always. I saw it and I knew I had to use it. I love the colors, the fonts, and the style.

So, yesterday was a makeover day. I'm still trying to get used to my new haircut. My hair is so short now. I even feel like a boy. It's not super short, but I'm such a drama queen. Well, I transformed into a boy in a matter of seconds. I don't think it even took 30 minutes. It was so fast, and I didn't even know what was going on. I just said: "I need a haircut." And he (hairstylist) started cutting without asking for more details. He told me my haircut was super fashion. So I guess boy haircuts are the greatest hit.

No, wait. I don't know if I look like a boy. Maybe I look too happy and that's what I find so disturbing. I look like a happy boy. No, maybe I look younger and that can be horrible. Oh, I'm confused.

As you can see, I'm still trying to figure out what I look like. But I have to say that I'm happy with it, I can tell it's well done, and it just fits. I'll make it straight tomorrow to see if I can figure this out, it will bother me until I do.

As for the new layout, I'm 100% happy with it, and there's nothing to figure out.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. Don't forget to visit Dear Me, the cool blog.

"Dear Me" is the new blog of the week. I've been reading this blog for a while, it is quite addictive, and has a nice pink template. Ivan (owner of the blog) is from the Philippines, and here's her description of her blog.

Take a peep. See through me. Learn my idiosyncrasies and vanities. Get acquainted with my mood swings, my peculiarities, my rumblings and mumblings. Then maybe, just maybe, you will understand the random, weird thoughts of a nut case...

So, if you're interested, and I know you are. Go click, enjoy, and comment. =)

* * *

I'm so happy! Today was my last day at school. Just for this year though. I've been waiting for this day for so long, and now it's finally here. I want to scream, and I want to do everything. It's a late now (11:23 PM here in Mexico) but maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. It doesn't matter. What matters is that yesterday is gone, and now I feel free. I feel like I could do anything.

Ok, I've just read it. And I want to say I'm not under the influence of any kind of drug. This is real healthy (maybe not) happiness.

I feel relieved. This semester was the worst. But now I can rest from all that, and hope that next year will be better. As you can see, I hate high school. I'm sure there's great and wonderful things about high school, but last semester was not the case. I could describe my situation in one word: forgotten. I would say more than one word but I think I have blogged enough about this, and I think you know what I've been through. And if you don't, here's something I wrote that may give you an idea.

"Home Alone"

She looks out the window,
Her vision blurred by flowing tears,
Sees what used to be hers,
Laughter and games.
And cries silently:
"What went wrong?"
Remembers how it used to be,
How someone used to care,
But now, that's only memories.
Never thought she would end
Home alone and forgotten,
Wishing for something she lost.

Wait! What?! This was supposed to be a happy post, and somehow I turned it into something else. But honestly, I'm so happy.

You know I wouldn't say it if I wasn't. =)

XoXo
Gaby

Do you know how often I kill people? Don't worry, just in my mind. And not in a bad way. It's just that everytime I hear an ambulance, everytime someone's missing or late. I start wondering if they're dead, and my imagination goes so far. It's embarrasing, but it's true. I try to calm down, but the thought is still there. I start thinking about other things, but suddenly I start imagining scenes and characters, funerals and burrials. And when finally my mom (or someone else) arrives I feel so relieved.

And this is just one of the weird things about me. =)

XoXo
Gaby

Last night was quite a night. I was writing in my diary, trying to understand my behavior and thoughts. And I ended writing this, which awfully says too much about myself. I hope you like it somehow.

"Remaining unloved."
What a heart-breaking fear!
Piercing her young soul,
scraping the future mind.
As the tender skin
remains flawless and brave,
showing everyone:
"She needs no love."
Not now, not ever!

XoXo
Gaby