So I guess it has been a while since I last blogged... I went through something and I sort of didn't want to talk about it or blog about it, so I just really really cried about it. But I'm okay now. It was the kind of thing, you just don't want to admit you care about, and you don't want to admit it hurt you because it's not worthy.

The time I spent without blogging was quite normal, I thought I would miss Forever 17 but it was fine, so now that I know that I can live without bloggling I might do it. But anyway, here I am.

Today, the first day of 2008 I'm a little sad, confused, and ashamed. I've been a bad girl I guess, and I'm not sure if I want to stop it, or if I want to keep going. I feel like I'm losing myself, and someday I won't be able to go back to what I was. But I don't want to be the good girl anymore, it never worked for me. But being the bad girl isn't working either. So I'll do both, I guess?

So, what changed in 2007? I'm no longer depressed, or maybe I am, but not that much, maybe just sometimes. My self-esteem is better. I feel a little more confident about myself, I have a little more hope that things will do better this year. On the other hand, I've experimented (sure that's a nice way to put it). And I won't give any details about that.

What do I want for next year? I guess the three basics: health, love, and money. I'm super good on the health department, except on the mental department of the health department. LOL. Hopefully I'll have good luck finding love. And I really really need an improvement on my economic situation.

My 2008 to-do list:

Things I should do but I don't want to:

1. Stop drinking

2. Excercise

3. Stop cursing

4. Be more open

5. Be less proud

Things I want to do but I probably shouldn't:

1. Try drugs

2. Lose weight


Things I want to do and should do:

1. Eat well

2. Learn something new

3. Be more outgoing (without alcohol)

4. Do better at school (I seriously need this one)

5. Stop kissing strangers (I promise I will)

5. Keep being a non smoker (yay)

6. Write on my diary every single day (a hard one)

7. Write more

8. Dress better

9. Work on my manners

10. Learn to drive (I'm about to turn 19, so I think this one is must)

11. Have the summer of my life


So, which ones should be my final 12?

XoXo

Gaby

P.S. Happy New Year everyone. =)

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Now playing: Natalie Imbruglia - Torn
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I thought therapy would be a good idea but it just made me feel even more hopeless. I don't see a change in my life going that way. So, I think my mind will stay as it is for a long time. I won't fight this (whatever it is) anymore. I'll accept it as a part of me. And maybe someday it will go away.

I was sick of people asking me what was wrong because I looked sad. And I was tired of finding my escape on sad songs and sad movies. I wanted to live life , wanting to be "normal". I wanted to end this, and be "happy".

Trying to fit in, hiding what's obvious... is not easy. Being with people who don't have the slightest idea of what I'm going through, is frustrating. And even if they knew, they would think it's nothing, because they don't know what it really is.

So I'll pretend this is normal, this will be my idea of normal.

I still have faith.

XoXo
Gaby

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Now playing: La Oreja De Van Gogh - Muñeca de trapo
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