A friend of mine is coming back tomorrow, she was gone for six months. In those six months everything changed for me, I lost my "friends" here.

I'm afraid she'll think everything will be like before. Even if that would be "better". It's not that easy for me.

I'm angry at my world. I can't help hating everyone who harmed me by not being there. Everyone who made me feel abandoned, forgotten, boring, miserable, worthless, ugly, and stupid.

And I'm scared of this illogical anger, and this harmful hatred that has taken over me. I don't want to be irational. I want to have a reason for every action and emotion, I want to control myself. But something pulls me back.

They forgot about me, why should I go back there? I'm still hurting, and I'm hating them. I can't erase all the pain caused by them.

I know I'm the one to blame, and that makes this even more childish . I'm so ashamed. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to communicate and fix things. I hate them!

I just want to drift away to a place. Even if it's the coldest place ever.

I bet that sounded stupid.

Note: I feel so pathetic, blogging about my self-pity. But I really had to, you know.

XoXo
Gaby