I have just googled him. This dream, obsession, or whatever it is, has taken me way too far. Today I have found one more web site with new information about him, it doesn't even surprise me. I have searched him online a thousand times, and I often find something new. Sometimes I even use my detective skills (or should I call them stalker skills?) to follow clues, and get even more information than google can provide me by just typing his name, which I won't reveal. Why? Because I don't want you googling him. That's my thing.

I don't know about you, but I have googled myself. Hehe, what a weirdo! Anyways, I'm obviously not there, not anywhere. I'm stalker safe. But he's not. It's amazing how many things I have discovered thanks to google. Such things like hobbies, religion, origins, birthday, participation in forums, extracurricular activities, awards, outstanding participations, travels, pictures, e-mail addresses, family, high school...And what amazes me even more, is the fact that he's like a super kid, he participates in everything. You wouldn't believe it.

During 8th grade, back when I liked him. I was studying in Austin, and he was the typical crush. I didn't know as much about him as I know now, but I could enjoy every glimpse. Now I know where he is, what he does, and everything, but I don't even see him. Obviously, I would prefer to see him. I would prefer to see his blue eyes, his dark hair, and how he always used black clothes. Once I even felt the sudden urge to go looking for him. But that's gone now.

So, why did I googled him if I don't like him anymore? I don't know, I forgot about him for a while, but one day I remembered that he existed, and that's when I went with Google for help. I was curious, I didn't know what had happened to him. And I found everything that I've just said. This is what I could call post-crush, google phase.

Now I'm left thinking that he's way better than any crush here. Yeah, that's why he's the ultimate crush. Amor platonico (in Spanish). Sounds pretty pathetic, but he's just a crush. He's just the ultimate crush. Someone worth writing about. =)

I thought I could be your crush
I thought I could be someone
I thought I could win your heart
nothing to take with me not even the memories
just the thought of what was gone
and a crushed hope in what never was

Just the song "Crush" by Angels and Airwaves. I thought it would be appropiate, but it's too sad. Still I love it, especially because it's sad, and I can relate to it somehow. Not because of the ultimate crush, but because of some other crushes.

XoXo
Gaby