Oops I did it again...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I should update more often, but high school is getting the best of me.

So, I'm here and that's what matters. I'll open my heart, and let you know what's in it. Actually, I'll share something I wrote a while ago in my diary.

My sins, so far...(according to Catholic religion)

• I can't even remember the last time I prayed. I just haven't done it, I don't know why, but I don't feel the need to do so. I do a thousand different things to release everything, but praying, is not one of them. And I have to say, that I don't feel guilty about it. Not at all. Sometimes I wonder if I could be considered catholic. I don't go to church and I despise most of the "rules". Come on, my parents are divorced, catholic religion rejected me first. I hate rules, and I hate the restrictions. But I like to hear what Jesus said and did, it makes me think, and I always remember it. So, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I enjoy going to church and listening a good sermon.
• I have thought about suicide, I think about it everyday at least once. I think I'll never do it. I just want it so badly. Everybody does. Ok, don't say you don't because I know you do. I mean, everyone is going to die, and we don't want to suffer. Therefore, we want to end all this. You know what? Never mind. I desire death, you don't have to.
• I have considered taking drugs. I'm bored, I'm confused, I'm sad, I'm alone, I'm vulnerable. I think I could fall anytime. But until now, I haven't. Mostly because I'm far away from that kind of environment, and I'm a "loser" in my environment, so I don't get offered drugs.
• I'm revengeful. When someone hurts me, I start making plans about what I'll do to that person. Of course, I never do anything, and if I do, it's improvised, and not even close to the master plan that I had prepared.
• I'm jealous. Not yet, but I'm sure this will be one of my sins someday. How do I know this? Am I a psychic? Let's just say that I haven't loved someone so much to become crazy jealous. But I can tell that it will happen. I don't think I can do anything about it, it's fate. Just like Oedipus couldn't do anything to avoid his fate. Maybe I should learn from his experience and ask God for help. Oh, wait, I never pray. God might suspect that I want something from him.
• I'm proud. I don't like asking for help, I don't like to admit that I don't know something. I'm working on this, everyday I try asking more questions. Stupid questions? Probably. But then, remember, there's no stupid questions, just the persons who ask them.
• I'm lazy. Yeah, I am. And I'm a sleep lover. This brings me some trouble in the mornings, and well, all the time, when I have to do something and I don't.
• I'm envious. Sometimes I just want things that someone else has, but this is less frequent. Though it always leads to the thought: "Life is unfair."
• I don't forgive. Ok, sometimes I do. But it's hard to do, and I just think about it too much. Hopefully it will become easier some day.
• I have wanted bad things to happen to someone else. But who hasn't? I know that's not a good excuse, but it's all I have.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope you missed me. Meh. Share with me your sins. It should be fun, and in my case, secret.

XoXo

Gaby