I'm hating my life...

It's nothing compared to other things, but it's still messing everything up. The atmosphere at school is unbearable, seniors not only despise us, but hate us (freshmen). Why? Because of something that isn't really our fault.

It used to be a tradition for seniors to make a welcome party for first year students, in which freshmen were supposed to go through a sort of initiation, I don't know how that initiation is called in English, according to Wikipedia it is known as ragging and hazing. Anyway, I think you know what I'm talking about.

Last year, something really bad happened, and since then it's forbidden. Fifth graders didn't like it, obviously, and they hate us now. They've made our life at school quite ugly. Yesterday they made the hardest test ever, and I won't even talk about today.

I guess what's really bugging me, is the fact that I can't do anything about it. I feel totally helpless. And it isn't my fault!

Almost all of us have agreed to go through the initiation. I don't know if seniors will make it because they could get expelled for that, so they have to make sure that all of us agree (and that's not easy).

I'm okay with going through that disgusting and humilliating ritual if that's what it takes for us to be "in". I just want it to be over.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. I'm sick and tired, medicine is not as convincing as I thought it would be. Not only because of this issue, it's just not convincing...

I was chatting this afternoon as I always do, nothing really special going on at my MSN world. Which is my greatest tool for getting all the gossip I need.

Suddenly, a guy sayed: "Hello". This is a guy who says he likes me, but he doesn't really know me, he has only seen me in pictures, which is weird because I'm not that pretty and I look like a fifteen year old girl, and he's like... twenty something.

Anyway, we started chatting. First thing weird happened: I told him I loved Cartman and Kyle from South Park. And I think that disappointed him. Maybe he thinks I'm the all time good girl, and a "good girl" doesn't love South Park or Cartman.

Suddenly he started asking me about my personality. Was I a punk? An emo? A nerd? I don't feel like I belong to any of those so I said I didn't know. And he didn't get it. I felt he was mad at me or something. And then I found out he was. He didn't say it, but he asked me why had I ignored him before. I was like: "I've always answered to everything you've said." FYI, I've even said goodbye before leaving, something I don't do very often. And I didn't block him that IS something (I don't chat with strangers). But he said that it was always him who had to start the conversation, I was like: What?! But I ended up saying: "Sorry". I think he didn't like that because he said: "So what?" Changed the subject, and left.

Ok, so. Was I supposed to start a conversation? I never do, not to everyone, only with some close friends, but that's it. It's not personal!

So, next time I see him online I'll say hello. I don't know if that will do. But I think it doesn't matter that much, because he'll be disappointed sooner or later, I'm not who he thinks I am.

Why on Earth is this bugging me? I've concluded it frustrates me when someone doesn't see the kindhearted person in me. Ok, maybe I'm not THAT kindhearted.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. Gaby forgot a friend's birthday, once again. ¬¬

So I went to the music store the other day. I was looking for the Hot Fuss CD from The Killers. I had seen it there before and it was on sale ($10), yes, that might seem not quite a bargain, but it is. It is the cheapest a decent CD can get here. So I returned the next day and looked for it, but it wasn't there anymore. So I started looking for something else, and I ended up buying Rihanna's latest (Good Girl Gone Bad). Why? Well, I like "Umbrella" (ella ella eh eh eh), and "Shut Up and Drive" is not that bad.

Maybe you think I didn't like it at all. The truth is I loved it! My favorite songs were: "Don't Stop the Music", "Breakin' Dishes", "Push Up On Me" "Hate That I Love You", and "Say It". I never thought I would like it that much. Who would have known?

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. I still want to buy Hot Fuss. I love The Killers. And I'll wait for the latest (Sam's Town) to be on sale.

Yesterday I stayed up until 1 a.m. studying for my embryology test, by that time I was sick and tired of studying, so I went to sleep. I wasn't even sleepy, but I was really tired and a little frustrated, I had lost my optimism and couldn't learn anything more.

Today I took the test, two tests actually (one's a lab). I thought I had done terribly on the first one, and was afraid I could fail. What frustrated me the most was the fact that embriology is supposed to be the easiest subject. So several thoughts crossed my mind: "I should have stayed until 3 a.m.", "If I fail this one, what can I expect from the others...", "I hope I can get a 60", and of course..."I want a tequila shot!".

But I think staying until 1 a.m. was okay, I got an 80 on the first test, and a 96 on the second. Pretty cool, huh? Good luck? Maybe!

Many of my classmates weren't happy with their grades, they thought there had been a mistake, because the "brightest ones" got 70's and the "dumbest ones" got 80's. I don't know if they were implying I was part of the "dumbest ones" (I hope not), but who cares?! I'll show them. I'm very motivated at this point.

So wish me luck!

Next week I'll take tests for the other subjects.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. I still want my tequila shot!