Today was a shitty day, I don't know why, I just know it was. The thought: "I might as well die" crossed my mind for a long hour. It's not that I want to die, it's just that sometimes I feel things won't get better, and even if they do get better someday, I'm sick of waiting, so... I don't mind if I die tomorrow. Tomorrow may be a good day though, so, I may change my mind. You see? There's still hope, stupid hope.
How did today turn into a shitty day? I'm not sure. I was tired the whole day, and that makes me less patient with people and things. I got a 55 on anatomy, it was expected, but still...it didn't make my day. I didn't see the guy that I like and I was looking forward to that. I think what finally got me was my thinking, all this thinking that I do is really overwhelming. It's like I'm thinking way too much things, over and over again, not really reaching conclusions for a while. Sometimes I just have to press the pause button, and just stop it.
Don't ask me what this thinking is all about. I'm not quite sure, and it's the kind of issue you have to really analyze to see what's bothering you, and I don't want to do it, I don't want to find out what's underneath it all. Maybe I already have an idea but I just don't want to confirm it.
Anyway, for today, I'll keep focused on studying, even if it's late (9:30 PM), I'll try to save what's left of this day.
XoXo
Gaby
P.S. I forgot to mention my visit to the dentist, something I hate. So, add that to my stupid day.
Labels: anatomy, bad day, bad grades, med school, school, thinking, tired
Today I took the anatomy test. I think I did well, but I don't want to get my hopes high. You never know. Yesterday I stayed until 4 a.m. studying (lower and upper limb), something I've never done before, but you know, desperate times, desperate measures.
