I'm sick and tired of school.

For the first time I'm thinking maybe they were right, everyone who said I couldn't do this, and that medicine wasn't for me, was right. I can't do this. And I was so sure, I wanted to show them they were wrong about me, but they weren't. A 73 in embryology, a 59 in radiology, a 64 in cellular biology. I can't do this anymore. I thought I would learn from my mistakes and get better, but I really can't. I'm stuck in mediocrity. And it's hard.

I had never cried over school, but this is so much more than just school. It's the fact that I can't do it all, the fact that I was wrong, that it's not enough to want it badly and do your best. My best is not enough.

People always say medicine is not for everyone, and they don't know how cruel it is to say that, and how painful it is to hear it. Especially when you don't have it. And when you don't want anything else but medicine.

I know I can save the school year, but I don't see how. I've tried, and I've tried, and I'm stuck in the 50s and 60s. I didn't want it to be this way, I wanted to be good, and now I don't even know if I'll be. I don't know what else is there for me to do.

XoXo
Gaby