I thought I would feel better about life if I did good at school, like I would feel good about myself, less dumb and less worthless, but I'm still quite empty. I'm not liking life, I think it actually sucks. I know people (including myself) say that too many times. But I don't care. I don't care if that's completely immature, and if it's just complaining about little things I hate.

I don't care because for a reason I feel like crying, and for a reason I want to stay in bed and hide forever. I hate happiness while I'm being miserable, actually all the happiness makes me realize how miserable I am, you know. Like I wouldn't even notice or bother to complain if everyone was as miserable as I am. It's not right for me to say this, but I hate people for being happy when I haven't been happy for quite a while, I hate life.

Sometimes it just hits me, I'm not that special, and I don't have much. I couldn't possibly blog about it, it's just too much, and things I've hidden inside for a reason.

I hate not being as special as I want to be, and I hate not having things I want. As spoiled as all my complaints may seem...that's the way it is.

Sometimes I feel like God has forgotten about me, because I know I have waited, and I have coped with all of it, and he doesn't seem to care at all. He doesn't even bother to give me a break.

I guess this is one of those days when I feel like dying or something.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. I know I will hate myself for blogging about this, it's just too pathetic, but I can't help it, it's all true.