I've mentioned before I love certain writing styles, and my new renter Bluepanther was chosen because of this. I don't know his real name, I'm guessing Bluepanther is not. I read his posts when I vote in the Battle of the Blogs and I always like what I get to read. Now that he's my renter and is right there in the sidebar I'll remember to check out his blog and read what's new. I've just read his last post and I've learned a few things. Did you know some centuries ago a person could hardly meet 200 people in his entire life? And now thanks to the different ways of travelling we can go to different far away places and meet all kinds of people all over the world. Want to know more? Go, visit, and comment. =)

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Today was my second day at school. I'm not sure how to describe it. The dreaded french class went way better than I expected, I'll summarize it like this: good french teacher, nice classroom, my unexpected lovely dummie crush, and no idiots. Ok, there are some mean girls, but other than that it is quite good, and I've learned to live with them, so it's alright, and now I have my friends with me.

Ok, here comes the crappy thing about today.

I went to my ex best friend's house because a friend was going to. We started talking and I couldn't help being nice, I'm so used to pretending everything's okay when it's not in my daily life that now I can't stop it. So, we were talking and there were like a thousand things I didn't know about her life lately but I didn't even asked or payed attention. She doesn't deserve it! Does she care about my life?! No, she doesn't! So, I just kept being indifferent, always nice though. When I found that the other day when she invited me to go to her house, she only called me because she couldn't invite anyone else. I almost said: "Oh, so that's why you invited me! " It scared me how it was going to come out of my mouth, just like that, without even going through my brain. I was actually going to do what a bitch would, I was just about to say what I really think. Maybe I'm one step closer to being a real bitch.

I arrived home, and as always ended up my pretending and realized I was really really really upset. And I couldn't share it with anyone, so here I am blogging about this and thinking about the things I would like to say.

Don't expect to find a best friend in me. I'm sick of being ignored and neglected by you. I stopped caring about you the day I realized you've never cared. And you must know that you'll get from me exactly what I've received from you. You'll see, it's nothing like friendship. I feel so stupid for seeing a true best friend in someone like you.

I'll never say this, not in this clear strong way. When I finally say it I'll be probably crying, yelling, or dying. In a way I want some passive agressive revenge first. I know it's bad, but I want it so badly.

By the way, I think I didn't describe correctly the bitch I want to be someday in the previous post. I don't want to be mean, I'm just tired of everyone treating me like trash, taking me for granted, and thinking everything's okay. I want to speak what's on my mind, and I want to be heard, and it just seems so hard. Just yesterday a stupid kid I HATE yelled my name as if he had just seen a monster, and I came home and looked at myself in the mirror, and considered that maybe he really was surprised of how ugly I looked, that maybe he was right. And I know it's stupid to think it because he's an idiot, he will always say mean things, and I just wish I could have respond saying something like: "Marica adoptado". Those two words would have shut him up forever. I know there's nothing wrong with being that, but I know he's insecure about it. And maybe you don't understand what "marica adoptado" means because it's Spanish, but I don't want to translate it, it's too mean.

XoXo
Gaby