A friend called yesterday, the only friend who cares enough to call. She calls me every now and then to chat a little, which usually extends to a long conversation. Anyway, she called to tell me the great news. She'll be with me in french class, a class I hate (I hate everyone in it). But maybe I won't hate it as much now that I will have some good company. It was totally unexpected, and I was super happy.
Then, as always, we talked for a long time. It felt like an hour, but I really don't know. In the middle of somewhere she started laughing, I didn't understand why. And she said that someone had told her a funny story. As everyone, I love funny stories, so I wanted to know. For some reason she didn't want to tell. She didn't say: "I can't tell you" or something, but I could sense she was hesitating, and thinking it wouldn't be such a good idea. In the end, she did tell me, and I realized why she didn't want to, and she was right, it wasn't nice to listen it. It was nothing I didn't know, it was something I knew but didn't like remembering.
She started slowly with: "I don't know if you knew but for New Year's Eve everyone went to ___'s place"
In my mind: Of course I didn't know, I literally didn't do ANYTHING in New Year's Eve!
I tried to be cool, and just said: "Oh, I didn't know...Who went?"
She said: "Well..._,__;__,___,___...."
I was SHOCKED.
Pretending I didn't care, I ended saying: "Oh, I see. So what did you do for New Year's Eve?"
She answered: "I went with my aunt, it was horrible..."
We continued talking about various topics.
After hanging up the phone, I came back to reality, where I was shocked, and did care. You wonder why? Let's see. When she mentioned all the people who went, I knew who would be there, and didn't really care. There's no connection between me and them, so I wasn't expecting an invitation. But she said the name of my best friend, now ex-best friend, she's dead to me (I added an extra drama there). What I'm trying to say is: What the fuck?! I didn't expect anything from them, but her... I considered her my friend but I guessed I was confused because she is nothing like a friend.
I think I've found her meaning of friendship. Everything makes sense. Long story short: now that she doesn't need me, she doesn't care about me as a friend. The friend I thought I had would prefer spending New Year's Eve with me, doing something different. But I guess that was so wrong. And I've made this whole statement because it's not the first time. I've just had enough. After all, doesn't a friend call or at least returns your calls?
So, what do you do when someone you believe is your best friend is not?
And I'm left wondering, is there such a thing like a friend. And by this I don't mean a perfect friend. I mean someone who doesn't use me, or treat me like crap and betrays me, or is really really mean, or gets new friends and doesn't care about me anymore. All of these have been past experiences (all dead ex-best friends). Now you know why I doubt real friendship exists.
I can't believe I'm saying this but, why can't I be a bitch like everyone else around me?! I feel stupid.
By the way, if you're wondering what the hell is __,___,___. There's a simple explanation. I don't like blogging with names, it feels weird, so I replace it with nothing.
Then, as always, we talked for a long time. It felt like an hour, but I really don't know. In the middle of somewhere she started laughing, I didn't understand why. And she said that someone had told her a funny story. As everyone, I love funny stories, so I wanted to know. For some reason she didn't want to tell. She didn't say: "I can't tell you" or something, but I could sense she was hesitating, and thinking it wouldn't be such a good idea. In the end, she did tell me, and I realized why she didn't want to, and she was right, it wasn't nice to listen it. It was nothing I didn't know, it was something I knew but didn't like remembering.
She started slowly with: "I don't know if you knew but for New Year's Eve everyone went to ___'s place"
In my mind: Of course I didn't know, I literally didn't do ANYTHING in New Year's Eve!
I tried to be cool, and just said: "Oh, I didn't know...Who went?"
She said: "Well..._,__;__,___,___...."
I was SHOCKED.
Pretending I didn't care, I ended saying: "Oh, I see. So what did you do for New Year's Eve?"
She answered: "I went with my aunt, it was horrible..."
We continued talking about various topics.
After hanging up the phone, I came back to reality, where I was shocked, and did care. You wonder why? Let's see. When she mentioned all the people who went, I knew who would be there, and didn't really care. There's no connection between me and them, so I wasn't expecting an invitation. But she said the name of my best friend, now ex-best friend, she's dead to me (I added an extra drama there). What I'm trying to say is: What the fuck?! I didn't expect anything from them, but her... I considered her my friend but I guessed I was confused because she is nothing like a friend.
I think I've found her meaning of friendship. Everything makes sense. Long story short: now that she doesn't need me, she doesn't care about me as a friend. The friend I thought I had would prefer spending New Year's Eve with me, doing something different. But I guess that was so wrong. And I've made this whole statement because it's not the first time. I've just had enough. After all, doesn't a friend call or at least returns your calls?
So, what do you do when someone you believe is your best friend is not?
And I'm left wondering, is there such a thing like a friend. And by this I don't mean a perfect friend. I mean someone who doesn't use me, or treat me like crap and betrays me, or is really really mean, or gets new friends and doesn't care about me anymore. All of these have been past experiences (all dead ex-best friends). Now you know why I doubt real friendship exists.
I can't believe I'm saying this but, why can't I be a bitch like everyone else around me?! I feel stupid.
By the way, if you're wondering what the hell is __,___,___. There's a simple explanation. I don't like blogging with names, it feels weird, so I replace it with nothing.
XoXo
Gaby
Gaby
Labels: best friend, bitch, friends
5 Comments:
I know the feeling. Don't expect much from her, she sounds like one of those dumb high school teens that shares a brain with all those other dumb high school teens.
You'll find true friendship, don't you worry. Sometimes people don't find it in high school, but don't forget that high schools more brutal then the rest of the world. People fight to "stay on top" of the popularity chain in high school. That crap doesn't matter once you graduate.
I have very few real, true friends. Even the true friends I have and I agrue sometimes. We're all growing up and each of us finds a new part of who we are. Sometimes, this results in the end of a friendship - when someone changes so much that you have nothing in common.
When everyone's found themselves, it'll get better.
Thanks for the visit Gabriela - hope you come back often.
Be yourself..even though they care less about you, don't hate them that much..hating them won't cause you a thing...just remember this quote from my boyfriend: "The person who loves the most, wins the most"...there will always be true and good friends in our life...
I agree with Hannah!
Just don't worry too much about it :)
I hate that feeling of being left out. And you know what? I'd love to say that it gets better when you get older and in a way it does, but no matter what your age, there will still be people who are petty for no particular reason. You just gotta work hard on not letting it get to you. I'm still trying to perfect that now!
I was unable to accept your bid this time because I think you rented from me before, right? If I've got it wrong and you never did, let me know and we'll set it up next time!:)
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