The end
posted by Gabriela on Monday, March 19, 2007|

I think I'm back into the hole. It was naive to think it was gone forever. I feel worthless, alone, ignored, invisible, forgotten, hopeless.

Everyone is going to move on to something better and new, and I'll be left behind. In the same old gray life, sinking. And I have no idea of what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what to change.

And I wonder if the happy days were just a lie, an illusion. Maybe I just wanted so badly to be happy and I couldn't, so I had to lie to myself. Pathetic, I know.

I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. Everything happens and I have nothing.

And all I can think about is harming myself. In any possible way. As if I needed more damage.

I hate myself, my life, and everyone in it.

I'm filled with hatred and I want to let it out. I want to scream, kill, hit, break, cut, destroy, shut. But something pulls me back. Hopefully, someday it won't.

I wish I could fall asleep forever.

And I don't know where will I find strength to fight for the things I want in life. I feel broken and hopeless, I can't get up. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to talk. I don't want to go out.

I want nothing but the end of this.

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6 Comments:

Blogger pumuckl said... on 4:36 AM  

those dark moments where we doubt everything - and even when logic tells you that it will be bright again, you are desperate... but there is a new beginning all the time. it is a normal feeling. many people feel like this. be good to yourself and not so hard, give yourself a treat and trust destiny, it works... it does.

never doubt that you are good, clever, funny, and me and many other people love coming by your blog and read your thoughts.

hope these dark hours are over soon

hugs

Blogger Shelly said... on 6:34 AM  

You are so not alone everyone feels that way at one time or another. Just don't give up there is more to life I promise even though it may not seem like it right now. I have been in a funk lately too. I'm tired I just don't feel like dealing with life, Kinda that empty feeling and feeling so terribly alone. Maybe we could help eachother. Keep moving, get out of bed every morning. Each day is a new day. Please keep in touch, so I know how you are doing. Thanks, Shelly

Blogger B.S. said... on 7:40 AM  

I used to feel this way a lot when I was your age. It was a difficult time. Things got better, for sure, just because I got older. You don't yet know what your adult life is going to be like, and that's very scary at times.

The happy days are no more a lie than the horrible days are. Life is all about the ups and downs, but please believe me, the downs are not going to always be as unbearable as they seem right now.

It's good that you write about this to get it out. Some people also use art to express this, or some people exercise a lot to release anger. Some people punch pillows or a punching bag, maybe while screaming.

There's a saying which has proven true in my life: This too shall pass. Believe it.

I'm sending you some strength and positive energy. Don't give up- you'll be all right!

Love,
betty (thanks for visiting my blog)

Blogger Mordant Coffee said... on 5:13 PM  

I'm in the same boat, being the "angsty-emo teen" myself. Which is completely wrong, because not all depressed adolescents are emo, and it ignores their real problems. But that's beside the point.

It's cliche advice, I know, and Lord knows I don't exactly follow it, but maybe try funneling all that negativity and hurt and bleakness into something constructive, be it painting or writing or plotting world domination.

ryc: thank you. :) Any tips on how I can widen my, er, audience?

Blogger Gabriela said... on 8:55 PM  

pumuckl:

Yes, you're right I'm so desperate. Yesterday I cried and cried. It was horrible because I couldn't stop it, and it wasn't like quiet crying it was something I couldn't shut up.

Thanks for visiting and commenting, it really means a lot. =)
It seems like dark hours are a over but I know they can come back anytime, the source of pain is still here, and if I think about it I'll cry and cry again.

shelly:

It's weird how even if I know everyone goes through similar things I feel so alone. It just doesn't make a big difference.

Yes, we should definitely help each other, I think that would help a lot. Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I feel, but I think it's easier if I know it's someone who doesn't know me in real life.

I keep getting out of bed every morning waiting for something good to happen. I wonder if I'll ever get tired of that and finally give up.

Thanks to you. =)

betty:

I keep waiting to grow up just to get out of this. I still have hope.

Thanks for the saying, I'll think about it. And thanks for the strength and positive energy.

mordant coffee:

"Angsty-emo teen" that definitely sounds like me. I wish it wasn't like that though...

Believe me, I know about giving advice I don't follow myself. I'll try to follow yours though. =)

How to widen your audience? Audience as in readers? Mmm,it takes a while I guess but keep blogging, and visiting and commenting on blogs you like. Eventually some will comment back and maybe become readers. =)

Blogger j said... on 8:00 PM  

Aw Gabby! Everyone has days like that, and sometimes it seems like you have them more then the good days, but you know what? It just makes you appreicate the good days more!

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