I'm tired of being alone. And I don't know if pretending I'm okay makes it worse. I just can't imagine being miserable for being alone this whole time, and letting the world know it. It's like accepting I'm incomplete and I need someone to be okay. And that's not good. Because nobody wants me, and, does that mean that I will be unhappy forever? I don't want to accept that.
People say someone will want me eventually. But it's been so long that I just can't believe it anymore.
And a thousand questions keep disturbing my mind over and over again. And when I'm by myself. It gets even worse.
Everyone's indifference has convinced me that I'm the one who's wrong, I'm the one who's boring, I'm the one who's nothing, I'm the one who's ugly. It can't be the whole world who's wrong. It must be me.
I shouldn't be writing about this. But it was just too much, and I can't take it anymore. I want to do nothing, I want to lay in my bed forever and wait for my death to come. But I won't. And if anyone reads this, please don't think I'm special or something. Believe me, you would know if you knew me in real life. You would know I exist, but you would choose not to care.
I wish hope was gone so I could get this over with.
People say someone will want me eventually. But it's been so long that I just can't believe it anymore.
And a thousand questions keep disturbing my mind over and over again. And when I'm by myself. It gets even worse.
Am I that boring? Am I that ugly? Why? Why don't you like me? Why don't you care? Why am I unhappy? Why do I cry? Why am I so stupid? Can I get better? Am I asking for too much? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I forget? How could I? Why did I? Why me? Will this be over someday? Will this change? Will this get better? Will I die alone? Why am I insignificant? How did it happen? Is this depression? Should I get help?
Everyone's indifference has convinced me that I'm the one who's wrong, I'm the one who's boring, I'm the one who's nothing, I'm the one who's ugly. It can't be the whole world who's wrong. It must be me.
I shouldn't be writing about this. But it was just too much, and I can't take it anymore. I want to do nothing, I want to lay in my bed forever and wait for my death to come. But I won't. And if anyone reads this, please don't think I'm special or something. Believe me, you would know if you knew me in real life. You would know I exist, but you would choose not to care.
I wish hope was gone so I could get this over with.
XoXo
Gaby
Gaby
7 Comments:
I know you exist right now, and I care. Gabby it isn't you, everyone has their days. Sometimes it just feels like theres more bad days then good days, but hold close to the good days so they get you through the bad days.
Read my email girly! You'll find someone. Why would you be alone? You're too amazing to be alone!! Besides, the most NASTIEST (personality wise) people end up with SOMEBODY hehe. Look at Britney Spears!
I'm sure everyone is able to find the right person, also you. I know it's difficult but really, just try to relax and get the huge, blinking "I need someone now"-board off your forehead. It would only attract the wrong people anyway. Just try to relax.
You're a yr older than I am, and believe me, I'm SO not looking for anyone right now. I mean, that would be kind of impossible because of the "other job" I have. But I'm rambling.
What I'm trying to say is, don't sweat the small stuff. You shouldn't worry about stuff like this until you're, like, 40 or something.
I didn't find a "real" boyfriend (my husband) until I was 30. I basically got fed up with the club scene and the dating scene. I got to the point where I didn't care and I was okay with the fact that I might end up alone. And then Steven came into my life.
I think that happened because I just gave it up to the universe, y'know? I stopped trying so hard. I'm picky by nature, too, and knew the kind of man I wanted in my life. I wasn't going to settle for anything else. I just figured "If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. If not, then so be it."
I've been feeling the same way. Like, this exact moment.
URGH.
I would like to believe some one will like me or you or someone one day. I am more worried about what if after all wait a wrong person likes me.
Miss misery:
Thanks for the email, it really helped.
Hexacontium:
I used to be sure about that, but not anymore.
draven atreides:
It does worry me because I really don't know what's wrong with me.
Geminiwisdom:
That's a really nice story. :)
Mordant coffee:
It really sucks, doesn't it?
Rambler:
LOL
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