You probably noticed that I wasn't okay the other day. It was a bad bad day. So I went to therapy, and learned a couple of things about myself, some of those I already knew but still wasn't aware of them.
One thing I learned is that I am depressed. The fact that I'm not sad all the time doesn't mean that I'm not depressed. The fact that I never have energy to do anything, does mean that I am depressed. The therapist explained it this way: "One kind of depression is when you don't feel like doing all the things, but you still do them." Actually she explained it differently but I don't recall. Anyway, that was my kind of depression in case you're wondering.
I tend to get lost in conversations and just don't feel like listening or participating at all, that is what bothers me the most about my depression, I always have to really put an extra effort in everything I do because I just can't. And at the end of the day I'm tired for things I shouldn't. All this time I thought I was the laziest person in the world, and now I'm thinking that maybe that's not it.
My greatest concern at the moment is how to get out of this place. I don't even know why it happened to me, nothing big has happened to me, not a big loss, not a big tragedy, nothing... My life's not perfect, that's obvious, but no life is perfect, so why me? And how can I get out of here? Is it even possible? Some say therapy is the best way to solve it, while others say drugs are the only way. I kind of believe more in the second solution, but taking some weird drug can't be only good, what if after taking them I need it desperately? Actually, I already need it desperately. I just want to live. Like, really live, you know?
One thing I learned is that I am depressed. The fact that I'm not sad all the time doesn't mean that I'm not depressed. The fact that I never have energy to do anything, does mean that I am depressed. The therapist explained it this way: "One kind of depression is when you don't feel like doing all the things, but you still do them." Actually she explained it differently but I don't recall. Anyway, that was my kind of depression in case you're wondering.
I tend to get lost in conversations and just don't feel like listening or participating at all, that is what bothers me the most about my depression, I always have to really put an extra effort in everything I do because I just can't. And at the end of the day I'm tired for things I shouldn't. All this time I thought I was the laziest person in the world, and now I'm thinking that maybe that's not it.
My greatest concern at the moment is how to get out of this place. I don't even know why it happened to me, nothing big has happened to me, not a big loss, not a big tragedy, nothing... My life's not perfect, that's obvious, but no life is perfect, so why me? And how can I get out of here? Is it even possible? Some say therapy is the best way to solve it, while others say drugs are the only way. I kind of believe more in the second solution, but taking some weird drug can't be only good, what if after taking them I need it desperately? Actually, I already need it desperately. I just want to live. Like, really live, you know?
XoXo
Gaby
Gaby
Labels: depression, flaws, sad
2 Comments:
Personally, I would choose the first one: therapy. I'm totally against putting something foreign into my body and you always hear about people getting addicted to anti-depressants. Celise's husband says it best, I think: drugs don't heal the problem, they just MASK it. I think it's true.
Although Brooke Shields may have something to say about that. Then again, you don't have post partum depression.
You obviously have issues. You've admitted that you have them, you're aware something's wrong, and you're taking the steps to find a solution. Instead of taking drugs, just talk it out. Get whatever it is off your chest and then let someone--like your therapist--hel you thru it.
And if she hands you a subscription for drugs, kick'er to the curb.
Hello dear friend, I have some advice for you...whether you want to hear it or not :)
Do NOT take drugs to solve your problems. Anti-depressants only make things worse, especially for a teen. My friend went on them and it didn't help at all.
I would also suggest going to thearpy, talking about things and learning how to feel better about yourself.
I would also suggest volunteering. I went through a stage much like yours, and then I started volunteering at a recreational group for the developmentally disabled. It completely changed me, for the better. You learn a lot about yourself and how things could be worse. Everyone has their problems, but if you aren't content with yourself then no one is.
So talk to a therapist, and like Draven said...if they suggest drugs, get a second opinion right away. Most of the anti-depressants out their cause worse side affects then they do help.
xoxo
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