Remember Big Loser? Turns out I am the loser. I'm okay now but Friday night was tough. I found out he's actually interested in the girl I saw him with. I don't know then, why he called me, but I'm asuming that he did it because he's tremendously stupid and a perfect idiot as I had said once.

I felt so stupid, can you imagine it? I had to pretend I didn't care, but I could feel my stomach filling up with something that wanted to escape in the form of tears. I wanted to cry, not because I was sad, but because I was angry, frustrated, and little bit hurt. But no longer confused. Obviously. But I didn't cry, I couldn't, it wasn't bad enough.

I'm glad I found out, it would have been stupid to keep thinking about him while he was interested in some other girl. Actually, I'm really amazed by how I'm feeling right now, relieved, and fine. Still, it wouldn't hurt for a friend to tell me that I'm way better than that girl. She isn't a bad person, and she's not ugly (that's what bothers me). I don't find her pretty, but guys have some weird taste sometimes. Anyway, the fact that he isn't cute or hot, helped a lot. He's a capricorn though, but he smokes, so....whatever. Everything happens for a reason, right? Wow, did I mention I'm amazed by how well I took it?

What has changed? Less pride left? Pride stronger than ever? LOL

I secretly wish that she doesn't go out with him, not to have him for myself, but for him to have none. Hihihi. He's not a bad person, but he's like any other guy as I said before.

XoXo
Gaby


P.S. I know I'm not a loser, but I felt like one, after seeing the huge difference between my previous post and the reality. Tough reality.

Today was one of those days where everything I usually bear without complaining seems magnified.

All my cancelled classes sucked...I only had two classes but spent all my morning at school doing nothing.

This stupid boy that hates me keeps being annoying. Today he said hi to Danny but not to me, even though Danny was with me. What's wrong with him? He hates me that much?

My friends' questions and comments are somehow harmful, not because of them, and not because of the questions, because of me, why do I even care?

I forgot to bring money to school, so I didn't eat anything the whole morning.

The woman from the corner store keeps being mean and rude, I tell my mom to stop going there, because there is no need, but she won't listen because she says it's the only store nearby. I prefer not to eat than buying something from that bitch.

One of mom's coworkers called her just to say mean crazy things, I told her to hang up but she didn't. Seriously that bitch is literally crazy, I don't know why my mom puts up with it.


You know what...I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!! If that stupid boy wants to be rude and ignore me, I can be rude too, and if I feel like it I'll ask him: ¡¿Cuál es tu chingado problema?! And I'll answer the whole truth to all of my friends' questions, and I'll answer without shame, because I have nothing to be ashamed. The other bitches are not my problem, but if I have a chance I could tell them: ¡¿Qué?! ¡Pinche vieja! ¡¿ Crees que me haces un favor vendiéndome tu mercancía de mierda de tu tienda hedionda?! ¡No! Ya me tienes harta con tus pinches jetas como si fuera mi culpa que tu vida sea una maldita mierda.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. On the brightside, tonight I'll watch the first episode of the "new" season of Grey's Anatomy. I know it's not new, but it's new here in Mexico. So...good.

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Now playing: Panda - Procedimientos Para Llegar A Un Común Acuerdo
via FoxyTunes

I want to get the poison out of me. I've been quite a bitch lately and it's not fun anymore, it just makes me feel... not guilty, but a little upset. I've noticed I'm a really good person, ok, I used to be. I've heard my friends talk about things they have done, and things they would do. And I mean, I couldn't and I won't. I can't harm people on purpose, and even though I'm not the kind of person that goes out and helps people (I know I should), I try to understand people and I think twice before judging.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not an angel, but I've realized I can do better.

So, what I really want to do first, is to stop any negative talking or evil plans, even if people really deserve it. I mean, who am I to say they deserve it? Even if they do. Besides, I'm worried about karma. So, I'll quit being a mean girl. I don't know if that will be easy, but I know I can do it, because I used to be...not a mean girl. Hopefully I'll get back to what I was before.

See you people!

XoXo
Gaby

I did something really really bitchy, and I truly regret it. It's not THAT bitchy, but it IS bitchy to me, because I'm not a bitch on a daily basis. Okay. Stop with the bitchin'.

So, there's this guy I hate, despise, and can't stand. He's so conceited, he thinks he's the best, and he's so mean. He has laughed at me several times, and that's the reason why I don't speak to him at all, well...sometimes I'm mean too. But what am I supposed to do? Be good to him? Hell no!

Okay, now...Remember McDreamy (a really cute guy)?

This guy I hate (let's call him Crooked Teeth) totally hates him, and I've concluded that the reason why he hates him is that McDreamy is hot, smart, cool, nice, cute and.... wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, and Crooked Teeth is nothing compared to him. Most of the guys envy McDreamy, but not to the point of hating him, so Crooked Teeth is quite pathetic.

Anyway, last Friday he was talking trash about adorable McDreamy, saying that we were all (all of his students) sick of him. Hello! That's only him! So, later that day... I was leaving school and saw McDreamy, and he said hi...Oh my God...so nice, right? Oh, yeah. But that's not it.

After that, I sort of started telling him about this Crooked Teeth guy, and what he was saying about him, and how he hated him. I can't believe I did it, that's so unlike me. And what worries me is the fact that it could turn into a big problem, because McDreamy has some power over us (not because he's hot, but because he's kind of our teacher), and he could focus all of his anger on Crooked Teeth. That would be great, and I would really enjoy it if it wasn't my fault, but basically it was entirely my fault. I never do stuff like this (creating big drama), I tend to let someone else do the dirty job, and I always thought that sooner or later everyone would realize what an idiot Crooked Teeth is.

So...I'm a little worried about tomorrow. What I really hope is that no one finds out that it was me, or that it happened.

Lessons learned:

• Not to make Danny's ideas mine, yeah, it was her idea on the first place. It just made sense at the moment, and I had the opportunity and did it. Dammit!
  
• Let someone else do that bitchy things that I obviously can't do without turning everything into guilt.
• Not let my hatred for Crooked Teeth and my love for McDreamy change my behavior.
• If I ever do something bitchy again, and I think I will, do not feel this guilty about it.
  

XoXo
Gaby

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Now playing: Jennifer Lopez - Let's get loud

via FoxyTunes

Yesterday's "strength" turned into today's breakdown.

I'm stuck here for seven more years. And it feels like there's no hope. Before, I would hold back and think "it's okay, I'll be leaving one of these days". But not now, I can't wait anymore.

I don't want to stay and be like everyone else here, I hate people here. I don't want to go with the flow, but in seven years I will. It's just something you don't notice, and unconsciously you can't resist.

Eighteen years living here and I'm already like them, and in seven years I'll be doomed. You might think it can't be that bad. Maybe you're right.

I'm afraid of turning into what I hate the most. And I don't think it's possible to fight against it for so long, I would die trying. I'm already dying, so I might as well give up, go with flow and continue living.

I don't give a damn anymore.

XoXo
Gaby

I bought Avril Lavigne's "The Best Damn Thing" CD a while ago. Being an Avril fan for a while and knowing all of her songs, I felt this last CD took her back to her first One ("Let Go"), it didn't feel more mature. With songs like Girlfriend, The Best Damn Thing and Everything Back but You, the only mature songs I could find were Innocence, Keep Holding On and When You're Gone. This would be fine if it was her first CD, but after listening to "Under My Skin" it just wasn't what I was expecting.

Despite this I listened to the whole album a few times, until I liked it and after that, I sang along. I woke up all mornings and put the CD and it really worked for me. That was before I found out she steals songs.

As PerezHilton.com pointed out earlier, a good portion of Avril’s song I Don’t Have To Try off her new album sounds almost identical to the song I'm the Kinda by electro-pop-punk princess Peaches - off her brazilliant 2003 album Fatherfucker.

I watched the video and listened to both songs...they felt like the same. What I hate the most is she claims to be a songwriter, an authentic artist and thinks she's better than most pop singers, but she's just what she seems: a P O S E R. I'm not even upset, I hate her, she's stupid. She's everything I hate, a liar, a fake, a wannabe.

At this point I like better Paris Hilton.

No more Avril for me.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. If you're wondering why on Earth I liked Avril's music, I have one simple answer: I'm a pop lover.